Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Suicide Notes: The Game


Category: crafts

It?s time to introduce a fun and whacky new game that?s sweeping the nation in bad taste. That?s right; it?s Suicide Notes™.

For the game Suicide Notes™, you pick a person other than yourself and write for that person a whacky suicide note explaining the stupid or embarrassing reason they want to end it all. Pick your friends. Pick a celebrity. You can even pick a fictional character. So gather some friends together, write some Suicide Notes™, and see who can write the funniest.

Please note that you should play Suicide Notes™ responsibly. It should be obvious from the note that the note is not real. Please do not allow your fake suicide note to be used to institutionalize another person. Also note that fake suicide notes for politicians may result in a visit from the Secret Service who are known to have no sense of humor when it comes to death references and politicians.

Here are some examples to get you started.

This is a Suicide Note™ from Star Wars© character Luke Skywalker©. (Star Wars© and Luke Skywalker© and everything related to them are copyright of Lucas Film and George Lucas and are used here for parody purposes.)

I can?t take it any more. I was never really good with the ladies, except for my sister. Now that I?m a Jedi Knight, I?m not even allowed to get involved. It would be easy with my mind tricks; that?s ?unethical? in the pick-up world.

It wouldn?t be so bad if my favorite hand hadn?t got cut off. Some fathers just tell their kids not to touch themselves. This mechanical hand just isn?t the same as "Leia" ?Julie?. Don?t even get me started on ho-droids. No, I just can?t take it any more?

Even notorious mass-murders like Jack the Ripper can decide to auto-expire.

I can?t take it any more. My dad used to feed me boxed cereal every morning for breakfast. He would always say, ?Reach way down there, my lad, there?s a special surprise inside.? Sure enough, I would reach my grubby, little hand down in that box and pull out a prize.

Then, when he was on his death bed, he said to me, ?Jack, my boy, you?re a man now and you should find yourself a woman. A woman?s love is wonderful, and when you look inside you?ll find a special surprise there too.?

I tell you, I?ve looked inside dozens of women and I haven?t found a single special surprise inside. There has been no whistle, or plastic soldier, or secret decoder ring that tells me to buy more women. My dad was wrong; I can?t find anything special inside women so now I?m going to stop looking, forever.

Please enjoy this wonderful game and play in a responsible manner.

Comments (5)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
...and in domestic news, research has shown that your father left because you were such a disappointment.