It is Halloween again. As my regular readers know, Halloween is one of my favorite pagan holidays, right up there with Christmas and Easter. Well, folks like scary or supernatural stuff on Halloween, so I thought I would give them a treat.
Hidden among the old books at the LibertyBob Informatorium was the ancient, raccoon skin bound book called "The Book of Sacerd Magic of Jimmy Joe the Mage" which seems to be in the supernatural vein. I thought you might enjoy a brief excerpt.
When you're done making your circle and you got all your candles all lit up, it is time for you to call up that spirit so you can use its powers. But be careful; them spirits got some mighty powers and they can be tricky.
Stand in that there circle and face toward the triangle where you done put the stuff for the critter you is conjuring. Take your self a couple of lungfuls and get your head to the task at hand. That's when you start your evoking. Speak up so as they can hear you out yonder where the spirits live and say this:
Oh spirit, get your hide down here. I command you with the wisdom and powers of the Baby Jesus and the eternal grace that is the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Make yourself so as I can see you.
I conjure you by the music of Elvis the King and I conjure you in the name of Hank Williams Senior. You are compelled by my will and the authority I carry in the name of our victorious General Robert E. Lee.
Last of all, you uppity spirit, I conjure you in the name of Dale Earnhardt who now drives on the most holy of tracks. Show up now or I will cast you into the darkest of places where you can't see no light and you have to listen to light jazz. Get your butt on down here.
And when you have said all that with a good, strong will, that old spirit will show up, whump like a big dog. With that sucker stuck in the triangle you made, you can tell it to do all kinds of stuff and it has got to do it. It don't got no choice. But be careful, them boogers is wily and will get you.
When you are done making the spirit belch the alphabet or whatever, you go to send it away proper like. If you don't it can get into all kinds of mischief and it may not look kindly on the things you made it do. If you know what's good for you, you'll make that sucker go home.
While you are still standing in your circle and the spirit is still stuck in the triangle, you got to say this:
I'm done with you spirit and you done good. You got to go back on to where ever it is that you come from. Remember that I gots the powers from Dale Earnhardt and I will mess you up if you don't behave yourself. So go on now, get.
With that done, the spirit should get on to wherever it goes. If it don't get on, just threaten it a few more times. If it still don't go, do the conjuring again and when you got control of its powers, send it someplace it won't like.
Now that the critter's gone, you can get cleaned up. Take a few more lungfuls and clear up your head. Break the circle so you can get out. Don't forget to clear up that triangle neither. Walk away from the place where you does your conjuring and clear your head with a couple of swigs of something in a bottle.
Have a happy and supernatural Halloween. Try not to slip through the veil.
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.