Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Baby Food Prank


Category: crafts

First, let me make this point very clearly. This prank is a wonderful HYPOTHETICAL prank, but under no circumstances should you ever actually do this. I mean it, seriously. Do not do this. It could easily result in an unwelcome visit from your local version of Child Protective Services. Of course, that doesn't mean the idea isn't funny.

Imagine that you have been asked to babysit an infant who eats baby food. You know the kind of baby food: strained carrots and such. Naturally, you will want to be diligent and feed the child before the parents get home. This is where the fun starts.

Again, do not actually do this. So, you retrieve from your pocket a small container of non-toxic glitter. Silver glitter works best. Make sure that the glitter does not have sharp sides or corners; you want it round and easy to digest.

You read that right, easy to digest. The next step is to mix the glitter into the baby food. Now, the child may or may not respond to the glitter. That isn't important, as long as you can get the ankle-biter to shove all does his or her gullet. When you are finished, clean all the glitter so the parents won't expect anything.

The bad news is that you may not be there for the payoff. The idea has to do it. Imagine the reaction from the parents the next time they have to change a diaper and see the sparkly payload.

Now, some of you may think that you could hypothetically replace glitter with tinsel. This is not a good idea. There are countless stories of pets that have eaten tinsel. When it comes out the back end, it never comes completely out. Instead, it trails behind, making a mess wherever the pet goes. To complete the removal, the pet owner must pull the tinsel out, often causing a tinsel cut. Think of it as a paper-cut on the inside of your colon that continues out your anus. That is not a pleasant thought.

An associate of mine, whom I'll call D.M (for his own self-respect), has a slight variation on the prank. He suggests feeding the child strained beets without letting the parents know you are going to do this. He further suggests that you casually mention a new form of cholera or similar disease that causes intestinal bleeding. I don't think this is as funny as the glitter thing, but it is in the class of baby food pranks.

Now it is your turn. What theoretical, non-harmful prank can you think of that involves baby food? Put the thought in your head and let is percolate in your subconscious. You know you want to.

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