Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

LibertyBob Altar


Category: crafts

Just before switching servers, I left a message for you folks to explain the potential for interrupted service. In that posting I suggested that you could still contact me at your LibertyBob Altar®. Since then, LibertyBob followers have asked, "Hey LibertyBob, your Grace, how do we build our own LibertyBob Altar®?"

Sure, my first response was, "If you're too stupid to build an altar then you're probably not my kind of follower." But then I decided to be merciful and give the instructions. The follower "wannabes" probably just wanted specifics so they could be assured of the LibertyBob Blessings®.

OK, here's the deal; get a flat surface in a safe area. Safe is a relative term, so make it as safe as you can. Before running out and buying a table or board or chunk of marble, etc, read the rest of these instructions so you'll know how large a surface you'll need. Cover the Altar® with a sacred bit of cloth. The type of cloth depends on your inclinations and circumstances. For example, if you are fastidious you may to purchase fine silks and lace whereas a hunter may want to put the skin of a particularly important animal. The most sacred cloth that can be placed on the Altar® is the Flag of Iowa.

You'll need a few other things on your Altar® as well. To start with, place a copy of the Constitution of the United States of America in the upper right hand corner (right hand side and further away from you.) The copy can be in any respectful form and should include all the Amendments. The purpose of the Constitution on your Altar® is to remind you of the Rules of Liberty. At some point in your life, you should copy the Constitution in your own hand.

You'll also need a copy of the Slogan of Iowa. This reads, "Our Liberties we prize and our Rights we will maintain." You can write this in your own hand or represent it in any other way such as embroidery on cloth or carving in wood. This is to remind you that you must always be prepared to defend your Liberties.

Thirdly, you'll need a sign that says "". This is just to remind you of LibertyBob. You will focus your thoughts on this when you are doing your proper meditation at the Altar®.

If you are competent to burn candles safely and are allowed to do so where you have your Altar®, try to have a candle as another focus for your concentration. Keep candle wax off of your Iowan Flag! Simple incense can help you set your mood.

To use your Altar®, light your candles and incense (if you are competent to do so safely and it is allowed to do so) and try to calm your self. Before taking up a meditation regimen, consult your physician to make sure it's safe then follow your doctor's orders! Take slow, deep breaths to clean out your system. Close your eyes and imagine the rolling green hills of Iowa. Picture the fields of corn and beans. See the tall grasses along the roads and watch them blow in the prairie wind. Watch the red-winged black bird on the fence post. Feel the peace and serenity that comes from living in Iowa.

Once you have gotten to this point in your meditation, think about your concerns or questions. You will see farmers gathered at the grain elevator or farm wives gathered at the cafe and they will be chatting. If you listen carefully you will hear that they are talking about your issue. They will discuss solutions in light of Iowan Pragmatism. In this way, you will find your answers.

If you need a more immediate answer, focus your mind on LibertyBob. If you can get in tune with my nature and then ask me your question, I will be able to send you my Iowan Wisdom®. If you can't get in tune with me adequately, send an e-mail to

You may be like, "Hey, why would I want any Iowan Wisdom®?" or "What's it worth to me to get all Iowan like?"

Well, there are many benefits to the whole Iowan thing. For one thing, we are a very practical and hardworking people. This is why the Army pulls so many Iowan Guard and Reserve troops for the Iraq and Afghanistan fronts, our people are just that good. You could gain by learning those traits.

The other benefits come later. Where do you plan on spending your afterlife? Well, if you can get yourself in tune with Iowa-ness then you can come to Iowa when you die. That would be great. Trust me, you really want to do this. But that's not all! If you can really synch yourself with the Fifth Season, may you'll be fortunate enough to reincarnate as an Iowan.

Good luck with your Altar®. Remember to adhere to local laws (unless they tell you not to make LibertyBob Altars®). May you find the Fifth Season.

Comments (9)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
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