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Common Scents

2004-08-20

Category: philosophies

This is just a quick reminder to young men everywhere. When you see the commercials that show homely men using a spray on scent and then being molested by supermodels, it's fiction. They are trying to sell you something and use an exaggerated image to do so.

This is typical practice in advertising. Since the purpose of the ads is to get you to buy things, they have to present the products in the best possible light. They would be quickly shut down if they blatantly said, "Even ugly men will be raped by gorgeous women after a slight spritz of our product". Instead they only say that they have a product that you spray on. In the background is where the real sell happens.

They never claim that you will actually have access to those women. They just show some loser in the background demonstrating your fantasy. The more primitive parts of your brain reason out that you can get some if you buy the product. Then the real trouble comes in.

I don't mind that you purchase the stuff. Buying things makes you an active member of the economy. However, at no point is it reasonable for you to drench yourself in these sprays and then meander out into public. I should not still be smelling you ten minutes after you left, even when the wind is fairly calm. Stop wearing so much of the stuff!

If you really stink to the point where it takes that much cologne to cover up the odor, you need a bath, not a spray. The stench of perfume is just as bad as the stench of a body. At least with the body odor people might give you the benefit of the doubt. They may assume that you were working hard or possibly have a medical condition. When you stink from over spraying, we can only assume that you are a moron.

So, here's a plan for you. Step one: take a shower. Try to use an unscented or mildly scented soap and shampoo. Step two: when you're done, use deodorant, preferably an unscented one. If you really want to use an aftershave, cologne, perfume, or other chemical, only use a little and then in the areas where you think you're likely to stink later. If you walk out of your bathroom and the dog starts whining and rubbing its nose on the floor, you need to go back to step one and use less of everything.

Come on, boys, you all know about the old ladies who wear too much perfume and gag everybody. Do you really want to be an old lady? Not if you're buying into the commercials that say you can pick up supermodels with a spray.


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