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B-Tard

2005-04-21

Category: philosophies

Some have pointed out (whined) to me that it is offensive to refer to annoyingly stupid people as ?retards?. I explained that I was trying to offend the people in question. Clarification showed that the offended person or persons were those people who legitimately have mental retardation.

Actual mental retardation is a condition in which the person has impaired intellectual and adaptive capabilities. In general, an IQ less than 70 covers the intellectual aspects. The adaptive part refers to the person?s ability to deal with the world in terms of concepts, social skills, and an ability to care for him or her self. I have great sympathy for such individuals. (For more information, click here.)

On the other hand, I have no sympathy for those whose only impairment is a notable lack of whack to the head. Since I am a firm believer in both positive and negative reinforcement, I think such behavior needs a bit of the negative reinforcement. That?s where I ran into a dilemma.

You see, the morons I?m to which I?m referring have typically placed a great deal of emotive value on the word ?retard?. The only reason I would use the word is because it is extremely effective for insulting these people. If implied association with the idiots offends persons with actual mental retardation, I can hardly blame them. So, what am I to do?

I have a solution. From now on I will use the word ?b-tard?. It has many advantages. First, I?m not saying, ?retard?. Secondly, the first syllable sounds like I?m going to say, ?butt?. Third, the morons will still hear the ?tard? part and make their emotional connection. Finally, in writing it comes across as ?bastard?.

You may have wondered why I used a dash instead of an apostrophe between the ?b? and the ?tard?. The answer is simple. I do a lot of computer programming and other things involving computers. Computers things, particularly computer languages tend to give some really weird meanings to the apostrophe whereas the dash tends to have less extensive use. So that I will have fewer conflicts with the computers of today, I used the dash. All of that will change in ten years when computers are made out of eggplant.

To help build some credibility in the world, I would ask that each of you use the word several times today. Yell it at bad drivers. Randomly mutter it as you walk through a crowded store. Write it on a piece of tape and cover a co-worker?s nameplate. Sing the ?b-tard blues? as you walk through the library. Get that word out there. Just, don?t be a b-tard yourself.


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