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Why There are No Terrorists in Iowa

2009-02-28

Category: philosophies

There is always concern that the terrorists in the world will try to destroy or otherwise molest the food supply that comes out of the Midwestern United States. Our farmers supply food not only to the rest of the country but to many parts of the world. An attack on the food supply could affect millions of people. So, why hasn't it happened?

Our current terrorists of concern tend to be the Islamic extremist variety. These particular bad guys believe that their cause is so just that it guarantees them a place in paradise once they are dead. That is some fanaticism. Fortunately, it is not the only thing they believe.

On occasion, I visit relatives in the southern states. On the drive back, there is a noticeable change in the air as I reach Iowa. This difference in olfactory quality smells like home to me because it permeates the entire atmosphere here. The source, of course, is the large number of hog lots in the state.

Islamic extremist terrorist types believe that pigs are unclean. Were they to have contact with pig and not have a chance to purify before dying, the impurity would prevent them from entering paradise. Just imagine how ?un-clean? such a person would be if the very air he breathed was full of particulate pig filth.

It is easy to see why we don't get the terrorist attacks here. Just being in Iowan air will prevent them from going to paradise. That means no virgins in the clouds. Of course, there are worse fates. Should a couple of farm boys capture a terrorist, there is a good chance they would take him to the barn to Meet Pig Roger.


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