It's March and that means two things here in the States. First, it means that it's springtime and winter will go away for a while. Second, it means that it's almost Saint Patrick's Day.
In Iowa, there isn't really a strong Irish population. That makes one think, "What is so great about St. Patrick's Day? I mean, St. Joseph's Day, sure but…." Well, we see the holiday as neither an Irish thing nor a Catholic holiday. Saint Pat's is all about beer.
That's right, it is the Official Holiday of Drinking Beer for the Month of March (much like April Fools' Day, Cinco De Maio, Oktoberfest, Tuesday, etc.) The seventeenth of March is designated as an official drinking day. Employers expect very little from their employees on the eighteenth. Despite this, there is an effort to maintain some of the Irish-ness of the festival.
To help set the mood, I have composed a song that, I believe, fully captures the essence of Irish culture. By carefully concentrating on everything Irish (beer, green things, car bombings, Lucky Charms® cereal) I was able to distil the purest form of Irish-ness for my song.
My dog spilled me beer one day,
Had to beat him 'cause he deserved it.
But now me dog has gone away,
And I'm feelin' deserted.
I'll get me a new dog,
And I'll train him really well,
'Cause any dog that spills me beer,
Is gonna be beat to Hell.
The song is dynamic and changeable, as you can see. Simply replace 'dog' with an appropriate noun and then replace the relevant pronouns. For example, if you use the noun 'mother' then you can sing the line "'Cause any mother that spills me beer," and that is just a neat play on words.
So, go out and enjoy your Saint Patrick's Day. Remember to drink responsibly because, if you don't, I can't be held accountable for what I convince you to do.
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.