Environmental Protest Plowed Over
The plans of a group of environmentalists turned horribly tragic in a farm field north of Smallton today when fifteen of them were killed by farmer plowing his field for spring planting. The members buried themselves during the night just below the dirt surface with a plan to startle the farmer and disrupt planting.
"I hooked the plow to my tractor last night and parked it at the edge of the field so I could get an early start this morning," said farmer Ed Cashion Sr.. "I didn't notice anything till the third pass when the sun was coming up. There were body parts everywhere. I immediately called the Sheriff."
Small County Deputy Sheriff Gil Cramer was first on the scene. "We thought maybe someone had buried dead bodies in the field not knowing about plowing. Then we found the video tape and that cleared things up." The videotape Deputy Cramer mentioned was found in Cashion's mailbox. On the tape the group, calling themselves Free the Fields, explained their attack on corporate farms. The group's un-named spokesperson said on the tape, "We will rise from the womb of the Earth and show this corporate farmer that he needs to respect the soil from which we spring."
When asked about corporate farming, Cashion responded, "This farm has been in my family since the 1830's. My mother went all hippy in the late sixties and made my father switch over to all environmentally friendly practices back then. I don't know why they think I'm a corporate farm." The county auditor confirmed Cashion's story about the family ownership of the farm.
Though that area of the field is cordoned off till the investigation is complete, there should be little long-term damage to the Cashion farm. "We'll keep farming like we always have," said Cashion, "Blood won't hurt the field any but I'm concerned about the more metaphysical side of things. If the souls of those people inhabit my grain, I'm going to have some of the stupidest grain ever known."