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Origin of Moon and Stars

2004-06-03

Category: prose

The little girl asked, "Daddy, where did the moon and stars come from?"

"Well," said the daddy, "The moon came from the moon factory and the stars came from the moon."

"How did that happen, daddy?"

"A long time ago, the animals and people of the world pissed and moaned that it was too dark at night. All the animals would bump into stuff at night and that sucked."

"Didn't they have lights, daddy?"

"No, this was in olden times and they didn't have lights or cars or nothing good. Anyway, all the animals griped to the elves and fairies to do something about it or else. Well, elves don't like being threatened but they were outnumbered so they kept quiet.

"The elves went to the old abandoned moon factory and asked 'What the hell is this?' They read the instructions and passed some shinola to the city council and were finally ready to make a moon. It took almost a whole month to build a the moon."

"Did they put it in the sky, daddy?"

"Eventually. They set up a huge cannon to fire the moon up into the sky. Then they set up a big launch celebration and charged twenty dollars a head for admission. This made the moon very nervous so he complained to the elf that was supposed to watch him. The elf gave the moon some milk to try to calm him. Finally it was time for the launch.

"They put the moon into the cannon and blew some trumpets. Then, BOOM, the cannon fired and the moon was shot into the sky. That's what it means when you hear someone talk about a moon-shot.

"Anyway, the moon flew into the night sky. The flying made him dizzy and then he got sick. He vomited all over the sky. Though the puke splattered all over the night sky, most of it stayed in a line. Since all the moon had in his belly at the time was milk, that line is called the Milky Way. The milk absorbed some of the moon's glow when it was in his gut and that's why the stars glow.

"That's where the moon and stars come from. Any other questions?"

"Just one, daddy. Why does mommy say you're full of crap?"

"I think I'll answer that one tomorrow night; it's time for you to get some sleep."


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