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Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

One Night Near Closing Time

2006-02-26

Category: prose

The following is why it is bad to read minds near closing time at the bar.

I really need me a bottle with a genie inside. That way I could wish that I could go back to the other day when I made you so mad. I would go back to that day and stop me before I got stupid and then you wouldn?t leave me.

It?s probably a good thing those genies give three wishes because even if I fix the other day, I?d probably do something else stupid later and you would be just as gone. Everybody says you have to wish for more wishes and I would need them too. My momma raised me to be a jerk and I?m probably going to be that way till I get called home to Heaven or wherever.

The thing to do would be to wish you was the kind of woman who likes jerks. That way I could be like me all I want and you would just get so happy every time I did something ignorant. I could come home drunk and call you by the wrong woman?s name and you?d just squeal like a little kid with a new bike. That would be cool.

My what-you-call-it, I can?t think of the name, but it?s like the little angel on your shoulder, yea, that guy, he says I should probably wish that I wasn?t a jerk no more. Well, I suppose I could do that. I could be all responsible and get a regular job and the like. Of course that would cut down on my late nights down to the bar and hanging out with all my buddies. I just can?t see the point in not having fun.

No, I think I would have to wish that you was more accepting of my fun-loving ways. Actually, you could probably stand to lose a few pounds, maybe be a little bit prettier. I would have to wish for that too. I would have to wish you were a bunch more hot and more accepting of me like I am. That would be good.

Now that I think on it, I could probably just wish for a different woman who was already hotter and who already liked me like I am. Nadine up to the cafe has always winked at me. She?s good looking and I?ve heard some wild old stories about her. Now that I?m single, I?ll just have to go in for some lunch tomorrow and see if she wants to step out a little. If the stories are right, she could be a wish come true.

I guess, when it comes down to it, I don?t really need to wish nothing about you at all. I hope you find a man what don?t make you so mad all the time. And I hope you don?t get all offended if I blow all my wishes on booze, money, and fast cars.


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