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Interview with Leonardo Di Vinci

2006-05-24

Category: prose

There has been a lot of controversy lately over some damned book and movie about Leonardo Di Vinci and supposed codes left in his art. As is always the case, the best thing to do is to go to the source. To that end, I?ve gotten the LibertyBob Psychic Department (or ?Mindiacs? as they like to be called) to channel Di Vinci so we can chat.

LB: Welcome, Master Di Vinci. I?m glad you can take time to chat with us here today.

DV: [With cartoon-ish Italian accent] Oh thank you. Please, call me Leo. I?m too old for formalities.

LB: As you may know, there is talk that you knew about some secrets and managed to hide clues about them in your art work. Is there any truth to any of this?

DV: Oh, that. Uh, yea, about that?well, I can see where people might think things like that. Pay no attention to such things. Have you ever been to Florence?

LB: No. Are you saying there aren?t any hidden clues?

DV: Not exactly. You see, many people today think of the Renaissance as a wonderful time of new thought and liberation. Actually, we did all that art and stuff because we were bored out of our heads. Mix boredom and vino and you have an art movement. Much of it is a big blur.

LB: What does that have to do with your hidden clues?

DV: Well, sometimes I would get an idea in my head and think ?wouldn?t it be funny if?? and then I would add it to a painting or sculpture. One time I thought of a flying machine that worked like a screw that would draw down the air. Can you imagine such a thing?

LB: They?ve suggested that you are depicting a woman in your painting ?The Last Supper.? Some have even said that it is supposed to be Jesus? wife. What?s the story behind that?

DV: Do they still see that? One night me and a buddy, we were drinking. We were asking why the disciples had no girlfriends. There was the obvious answer, so I painted one of the guys in drag. A couple of days later, when I sobered up, I changed it back. It must not have been so good if people still see it.

LB: So you didn?t mean it to be the wife of Jesus?

DV: I don?t know anything about a wife. I didn?t have one of my own.

LB: Yes, there were rumors about that as well. Anyway, there is talk about belonging to a secret society of some sort. Is there any truth to that?

DV: Back then, everybody belonged to some sort of secret society. It was usually an excuse to go drinking. After a few, someone would say, ?Hey, we should form a secret organization. From now on we will be known as the Brotherhood that Wipes Its Noses from the Bottom Upward.? Next thing, you?re a secret society. Of course, the next week you would be the Brotherhood of Ear Diggers or something. It was all the fault of the grape.

LB: But you aren?t a member of a society that knows anything about descendents of Jesus?

DV: I used to get drunk and tell people that my brother was descended from Jesus, hoping they would get the joke. But no, I don?t know anything about the heirs of Jesus.

LB: Ok, is there any advice that you would like to give to the conspiracy theorists out there?

DV: Oh, sure, I can tell them a thing or too. If you are worried about conspiracies, you have probably drank too much. If the conspiracies are really worrying you, you haven?t drank enough.

LB: Thank you, Leo, for dropping by.

DV: No problem.

With that, I gave the ceremonial whack to the side of the head that brings the Mindiac out of the trance. Hopefully, we?ve all learned something.


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