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Bad Heart Day

2004-11-18

Category: prose

For several years now I have been bebothered by Congesting Heart Failure. Some days are worse than others. That?s been the case these past few days.

Though the incidences have grown fewer over the years, I still have my Low Energy Days. On these days, my heart decides, for some reason or other, that it needs to take it easy for a while. The rest of my body must then accommodate the reduced blood flow. I feel exhausted. My muscles scream out for oxygen and food. My lungs ache like I?m drowning (how I know what that feels like is a different story.)

The outward appearance when this happens shows a person with a reddened face. My eyes are half closed, like those of any exhausted person. I walk stiffly with my shoulders slumped. When I stand in one place, I sway as though gravity hasn?t decided which way to tip me.

On the inside, my mind grows quiet. The ten-thousand thoughts that normally rush the pathways of my brain stop. With great concentration, I can keep a loose focus on the here and now. My peripheral vision becomes a fog so I can only see that area directly in front.

Then there?s the angina. For those who don?t know, angina is the term for the pain in the chest one feels during a heart attack. It?s actually any pain in the heart but most people don?t hear of it in other ways. Have you ever exercised a muscle that has been dormant for quite a while? You know that sore muscle pain you get afterward? That?s what the heart pain feels like. The heart muscles are sore and stiff and you can feel them deep in your chest.

Tuesday afternoon, I slept a few hours. Tuesday evening, after class, I went strait to bed at 7:00 P.M.. I woke exhausted on Wednesday morning. After class, I went back to sleep for most of Wednesday afternoon. I was somewhat awake for a test Wednesday evening. It?s now Thursday morning. I?m still exhausted, but I?m a little bit functional. That means I?m starting to come out of it for this cycle.

Someday, I hope I can catch these little episodes as they start and do what it takes to stop them. It will be good when my low energy days are the same as everybody else?s. Better yet, I hope they find a way to fix the damage that the flu virus did to my heart.


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