A Night for Carjacking
The lights of the parking lot danced across the curves of the sedan as it glided into its space. The car settled gently into place and stopped purring. The headlamps went to sleep.
The door swept open and a man pulled himself out. His large hands gripped the top of the door and the roof of the car. His dress shoes carried on the shininess of the sedan.
A shadow rushed from the near-by darkness. ?Give your car,? demanded the shadow. It ran to the door.
The driver shoved outward with his open left hand, hitting the carjacker squarely in the chest.
The thief grunted and staggered back a few feet, clutching his chest.
?Do you mean my car?? asked the driver.
The thief straightened. ?Um, yea, your car; give me your car or I?ll mess you up.?
The driver jingled his keys by the remote fob. With a motion of his thumb, the locks clunked shut. He tossed the keys onto the driver seat and shut the door.
The carjacker, now in light, stared with his mouth and eyes wide open. He looked from the door to the driver, back to the door, and then to the driver again. ?What?d you do that for??
The driver smirked and lifted an eyebrow. ?Did you think I was going to make this easy for you??
The thief stomped in a small circle. ?I can?t believe you?re willing to die for a damned car.?
The driver shook his head. ?I?m not. I am however, willing to kill for one, particularly mine. This should be entertaining.? He stepped toward the offender, who promptly stepped back.
?I got a knife,? said the thief while fumbling in his pants pocket.
The driver put his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side, sighing heavily. ?Do you really think a knife will help??
The man managed to get his knife out of his pocket and used both hands to unfold the three inch blade. He held it in a somewhat menacing manner. ?I?ll cut you.?
?I suppose anything is possible,? said the driver. ?What?s your name, kid??
The thief danced around, preparing for the fight. ?What do you want to know my name for??
?The police like to know that sort of thing. It helps them fill out their paperwork, notify next of kin, and other little tasks.?
The thief spat on the ground between them. ?That?s what I think of telling you my name.? He waved his knife a little more.
?That?s fine by me.? The driver shrugged. ?Of course that means I?ll have to make up a name to tell them.? He looked the thief over in a thoughtful manner. ?Yes, I think that?s it. You wanted me to call you ?Baby Doll?. Oh, and you kept calling me ?sailor?.?
?You son of a?? The thief lunged forward and immediately bounced off the driver?s open palm. This time he stayed bent, clutching his chest and gasping for air.
The driver continued, ?I?m sure everyone will believe it. After all, the attack took place after my car was locked so it couldn?t have been a carjacking. Nope, any carjacker with a half a brain or more would have given up by now and sought out an easier target.?
The thief gulped lungfuls of air.
?The way the story goes is that I accidentally locked my keys in the car. I was bent over to peer through the window. You saw my rear and were overcome by your man-lust. It?s so sad I had to snap your little neck.? He lowered his head and shook it side to side.
Thoroughly agitated, the thief jumped and flailed his arms. ?That?s not how this works. I got the knife. I?m the bad man. You?re supposed to get out of my way and I take your car.?
?Correction,? said the driver, with his index finger raised. ?This is a sexual assault and I have to snap your little neck and be applauded for removing a deviant like you from the world.?
?My friends will know that ain?t what happened.?
?You have friends??
The thief roared and flapped again. ?Damn it, of course I got friends.?
The driver nodded. ?It?s good that there will be someone to mourn your loss.? He sighed sharply and then cracked his knuckles loudly. ?Well, I suppose we should get this over with, you pervert.? He stepped toward the carjacker.
The thief jumped away and held the knife defensively. ?Get away from me, freak.?
?Just relax; I?m only going to snap your neck a little.? He walked slowly toward the thief.
Fear finally caught the thief?s mind. He made two jumping steps away from the driver then turned and ran. He crossed the parking lot, ignored honking to cross the street, and disappeared into a dark alley.
The driver watched until the thief was out of sight. He reached into his trouser pocket for the spare key.