Well, it is a brand new year. You know what that means; it?s time for predictions for the new one. I particularly like prediction time because you know the LibertyBob Psychic Department™ (or ?Mindiacs? as they like to be called) have been boozing it up all New Year?s Eve and I now get to wake them rather loudly to get the predictions.
Anyway, here?s what the Mindiacs have to say about 2006.
Saddam will claim French citizenship. This will cause the French to rally around him. The Iraqi government will hand him over just to stop the whining.
France will suddenly be taken over by a new dictator with a suspiciously familiar mustache.
As gasoline prices soar more Americans will start bicycling to get around. In a related story, bicycles will now be made with televisions mounted on the handle bars and donut holders in the basket.
President Bush will mispronounce something. (I don?t think the Mindiacs were trying very hard on that one.)
An actor will take a course in economics. Upon completion he will kill himself out of embarrassment for all the crap he had been spewing up till then.
More Republican politicians will come under scrutiny when it is discovered that many of them are greedy bastards. In a bold move, Democrats will try to charge that many Republicans are guilty of having maliciously inherited money. This dies out quickly when it is found that many of the Democrats are also wealthy by inheritance.
The last Harry Potter book will come out and sell hundreds of millions of copies before anybody notices that the last fifty pages are covered with the lines, ?I?m finally finished and I?m rich.? This is preceded by the announcement from the lead character that he is sexually attracted to pointy hats.
The CIA will capture Osama bin Laden and bring him in to stand trial. Unfortunately he will escape when the CIA agents are arrested by Italian officials.
Christians all over the world will be confused by an international prank when church signs everywhere are changed to read, ?Closed for Easter? early Easter morning.
It will finally be revealed that Librarians are, in fact, the keepers of all knowledge. Though they share that little tidbit with the world, they won?t let any other knowledge out because none of us are quiet enough.
The Mars rovers will find life on Mars after all. Unfortunately the life will be kind of annoying and a little gross. No further missions will be sent to Mars because we?re sort of avoiding it.
It will be found that skin oils can be turned into a replacement for gasoline rather cheaply. This is very annoying to athletes who already hate it that the nerds get all the money.
Finally, it is predicted that he Mindiacs will pay me back all the money I paid them or I?m going to kick their psychic asses. You don?t need precognition to know how much that will hurt.
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.