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Democrats and Tumors

2008-05-22

Category: General

As you have probably heard by now, U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. This is very sad news for members of the Democratic Party who revere Kennedys as gods. Using my keen observation and modeling skills, I have put together this prediction of the likely plan of action for the Democrats in this matter.

  • Form a committee, decide that though they respect the tumor's right to exist, the tumor is causing harm and must be stopped
  • Send letter to tumor asking it to stop
  • Hold a rally
  • sing Kumbaya and show poorly-written, anti-tumor signs
  • Blame old, white, Republican men for the tumor
  • Shout "No tumor for oil!"
  • Respond to conservative radio hosts who claim that tumors are part of a vast, left-wing conspiracy.
  • Make t-shirts and bumper stickers with semi-pithy sayings about making love not run-away genetic mutations
  • Boycott companies rumored to be pro-tumor
  • Get celebrities to go to UN to speak out against tumor and demand economic sanctions
  • Propose congressional resolution against tumor
  • Gather to mourn those lost to tumors
  • Start fund raiser to build tumor-related memorial

Yes, cancer is bad.


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