Eater of Clowns

2006-12-02

I?ve heard that there are plenty of people who have a fear of clowns. Of course, by ?clown? I mean those painted harlequins from the circus and not Congress. Why any one would be afraid of such silly people (clowns, not Congress people) is a complete mystery to me.

When small children are afraid of things under the bed you tell them that the bogeys don?t show up because they are more afraid of something else. For example, some parents will tell the child that a crucifix above the bed will fend off beasties. Other parents will tell the child that monsters are afraid of the other parent. These seem to do the trick.

I?ve borrowed from this technique to help the people afraid of clowns. You no longer need to fear clowns because there is something that scares them off. You can have faith in the Eater of Clowns.

The Eater of Clowns is a fearsome creature that lurks in the darkness waiting for unwary jester (or Tammy Fae Baker) to meander by. Chomp! Goes the Eater, gobbling up the joker. Clown after clown have fallen prey to the beast leaving nothing behind but a puddle of brightly colored drool.

So relax. The next time you are confronted with a hideous, painted face, trust that there is a sharp-fanged monster in the shadows waiting to feed.