Why Does God Hate the South

2007-07-06

For a long time now the weather report has mentioned that the southern states are being flooded. Constant rain for over a month has drenched Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. Cars and houses have been washed out and there is no sign that it will let up.

At the same time there is drought in the other southern states. Florida is drying up. Alligators have been seen with their skin all scaly and dry. They just cannot get any rain there.

In the past, whenever there has been a natural disaster, brave religious leaders have stood up and spoke for God to explain why things are happening. Well, the religious leaders are all busy treading water, so I will have to do their job for them. So here goes:

The south is being so seriously beaten by nature because God hates Southern Baptists. That's it, plain and simple. As long as there are still Southern Baptists, the beating will continue. God hates the fact that those people keep claiming to represent Him. They just won't leave Him alone.

So, the cure for the weather in the south is for everyone down there to pick a different religion. Shinto, Mormon, Pastafarian, it doesn't matter as long as it's not Southern Baptist.