Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Swine Flu


Category: General

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) are all abuzz about the new epidemic of Swine Flu. This is a flu strain that is similar to the Avian Flu that had everybody's panties in a bunch a couple of years ago. Like with Bird Flu, there is fear that it will become a pandemic. Despite the name, it doesn't only affect pigs; it can get you too.

There is some concern about whether terrorists are involved. I know that if I were a terrorist and wanted to spread a disease into the United States, I would head straight to a neighboring country, such as Mexico, where it would be easier to sneak in. Since the current Swine Flu originated in Mexico, it makes terrorism as likely as natural sources. It is also important to note that Swine Flu is much more contagious than Goatiform Encephalitis.

If it is terrorism, just imagine the irony when it gets to Afghanistan and Pakistan. Can you imagine what it does to one's trip to the afterlife to die a pig-related viral infection? Talk about unclean! That'll teach them.

There is another possibility, conspiracy-wise. Lately there has been a lot of violence in Mexico where government forces battle drug gangs. The U.S. government is very concerned about this violence spreading northward. It may tempt one to think of secret U.S. operations in Mexico that spreads lethal disease among all the parties involved in the fighting. This would be a serious violation of international law, so the U.S. government definitely would not do such a thing. Of course, there is always the government of the Republic of Texas.

Regardless of where it all started, you need to take the standard precautions. Wash your hands often. Avoid people who are ill. Talk to your medical professionals if you feel all oogie. You will also want to avoid outbreak centers such as Mexico, the American Southwest, New York City, and Chicago. Ok, so Chicago hasn't had any outbreaks yet, but you should avoid Chicago on general principle.

If we all pull together, we can spread the disease more easily. So, hook up with your healthiest friends and hunker down to last out the plague while keeping the outsiders at bay. Remember, outsiders are unclean and bring disease.

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