Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Fun with Voting Machines


Category: General

I want to manufacture voting machines. "Sure," you say, "Lot's of companies make those." This is true, but mine would be different.

To use my voting machine, you get a paper ballot from the voting attendant person. After the old biddy gives you this ballot, you go into the voting booth and use the germ-covered marker to fill in the ovals next to the names of the goomers you like better than the other goomers.

You exit the booth and go to the voting machine. You insert your paper ballot and the machine sucks it into the slot. The machine reads your selections and stores them in memory. Your paper ballot goes to the bottom of the machine to be stored securely for the record. This is when the fun begins.

At this point, the machine emits noises like a paper shredder. After a moment, a cloud of confetti, such as one would get from cross-shredding a paper ballot, erupts out the back of the machine. The assortment of hidden cameras captures the expression on the face of the voter and broadcasts it live all over the Internet.

It is important to note that you can get better results if there is a similar looking machine nearby that is labeled "shredder" using the same type of movable sign that designates the voting machine. A security guard comes in to move the signs as necessary to maximize voter reaction.

Yes, with a proper amount of entertainment value, voting can once again be interesting to the average citizen in this country.

Comments (4)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
...and in domestic news, research has shown that your father left because you were such a disappointment.