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Aporkalypse Now

2009-04-30

Category: General

"The piggy doesn't surf."

Thanks to the help of a Mr. Malloy, we have a new name for the swine flu. If it becomes a full-fledged pandemic, we can now refer to it as the a-pork-alypse. This new found name couldn't come at a better time. The World Health Organization (WHO) just increased its epidemic warning status to Level 5. More importantly, many people are upset about the name "swine flu".

Politicians want the name changed. They feel that the swine part is just in bad taste. They want the name changed to "Mexican Flu" to reflect the origin of the disease. It seems that, according to Hebrew tradition, dying of Mexican flu is cleaner than dying of the same virus but called Swine flu. There is no confirmation of rumors that this is a preliminary step before Israeli settlement of the "Caribbean Bank".

Israelis aren't the only ones with concerns about the name. Governor Culver of Iowa would like the name changed. Folks worry that morons of the world will believe that you can get Swine flu by eating pork. This could cause a drop in pork sales. For our hog farmers, this loss of sales means they have to switch back to growing hemp.

My local news has started referring to the virus as 2009 H1N1. That just has no spark at all. I still encourage you to come up with your own name for the disease, right up to the time when you have to fight off the zombies that rise from those who've died of swine flu.


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