Flood 2008 Rumors

2008-06-24

The news in these parts has been centered on our recent flooding. Some areas along the Cedar and Iowa Rivers are devastated. With any such disasters, there is bound to be chaos, and chaos inevitably leads to rumors. Well, there is one rumor I think I can quell.

So far, there is nothing to suggest the truth of the story going around about strange animals in the flood ravaged areas. Though there were plenty of misplaced fish, that's about all the life forms we have in our rivers. We have no aquatic animals with tentacles.

It is this lack of tentacled creatures that tells us that the rumors are false. When you add in the scenarios where such creatures were supposedly seen, the stories become even more dubious.

It is easy to imagine how floating debris washed against a bridge could be mistaken for a tentacle, especially from a distance. The eddies in the water may even make the debris flail around as though it were searching for food. None of this explains how we would get such a large, tentacled creature in the Mid-Western water.

Naturally, one such misinterpreted sighting gives rise to speculation and rumor on all fronts. We must remember that it is possible for houses to be moved off of their foundations by the current of a flooded river without some ancient, newly-awakened beast to tear at the house in search of human flesh. There is no more likelihood of a tentacled abomination in our city than there is of a beast under your furniture about to grab your ankle.

Now we'll have people telling tales of the "things" that live in the steam tunnels under the downtown area. Folks will say, "The Old Things awoke in the Flood of 2008 and now they live beneath the city waiting for some unsuspecting child to walk past a sewer opening big enough to pull them in." Before too long, the tales of giant catfish under the damn will be replaced with these new fiends.

My assumption is that the stories were probably made up by some older guy (don't look at me that way) who was just trying to give some kids a fright. It's just as likely to be a story intended for the towns downstream, suggesting they may have something to look for. Stories are just that way. Regardless of the origin, it is just a story. There are no supernatural creatures rising out of the Cedar River to devour houses, at least there aren't any that I authorized.

NOTE (2008 June 29) There is also no truth to the rumor that the Tree of Five Seasons is some sort of Arcane Symbol that protects the city from various Ancient Evils, particularly any tentacled or bat-winged Old Ones that may or may not be Dead but Dreaming.