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Mad at the CIA

2004-10-29

Category: politics

The CIA has really gotten on my nerves. I ask for one simple thing and they can't do it. Well, fine, I'll restate the instructions with updated details. Maybe they'll catch on this time.

Step one; get the televisions and radios working in the Middle East. It's important to have mass communications available in order to follow through with the rest of the plan. Television broadcasts are the most important. It's better to show pictures.

Secondly, we need to broadcast all sorts of anti-American propaganda. Not everything that gets broadcast should be anti-American. You're probably thinking, "What hell are you talking about, LibertyBob?" That's simple. For our broadcasts to gain any validity in that region we'll have to pretend that it's local America-haters doing the job. Don't worry; it won't stay that way.

Third step? You got it. We start broadcasting fake messages from radical leaders. It's important that the bad guys see their leaders speak freely on these broadcasts, even if the messages get a little loony over time.

Then comes the last step. A secret series of "home movies" gets released and broadcast to indignant fundamentalist Muslims. First is the film of bin Laden giving al-Zarqawi his initiation? right up the backside. Then, more home movies showing how al-Zarqawi likes to molest goats. The last film shows how any young Muslim who wants to join the jihad should bring his own Vaseline.

You see, we have the technology to make pictures and films of damned near anything. There is no reason for us not to use this in the defense of our country. If we can discredit the enemy's leaders and disrupt their ability to recruit new forces, we need to do it. It is relatively inexpensive, compared with armed combat.

Terrorists work by removing your sense of safety in the world. You have to fight it by putting the bad guys on the defensive. You have to make them fear. You have to take away the sense of security they get from their anonymity. Showing films of these people in a very public fashion, even if the films are fake, steals their sense of control. That's the path to victory.


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