Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Why I am Not In Charge 5


Category: politics

My fellow countrymen, times they is tough. Many people are out of work. Many families are losing their homes. A large segment of the population wants government action. They cry out, "LibertyBob, save us!" and that's what I'm going to do with the LibertyBob Stimulus Package.

The 'W' years saw not only a nose dive in the economy, but an increase in warfare and a souring of our already poor image in the world. These things are tied together, so the solution must involve all three. That's my plan.

First, we are going to show the world that we are nice by helping to rebuild Afghanistan. This helpfulness will demonstrate that we do really care. For bonus points, this help will also solve many of our internal problems.

You see, Afghanistan has a population of about thirty-three million people (and decreasing daily). To make sure that each one gets enough assistance, I propose that we send at least sixty-six million red-necked Americans over to live there and help rebuild. That's two red-necks per local. That many of our people are sure to be beneficial.

Of course we can't just send over red-necks without sending their families along as well. We will need to provide transportation for the spouses, partners, and offspring of all the red-neck workers who go. To help maintain their way of life and culture, these people will need to take along their hunting and fishing gear, as well as their American beer and whiskey.

We must provide housing for all these good folks, so we will have to provide mobile homes for the lot of them. That many new mobile homes will result in manufacturing jobs here in the states. The result is that we not only provide jobs for over sixty-six million red-neck Americans, but for all those in the mobile home industry as well.

"Oh, but LibertyBob, this shows preference to rural peoples. What about the disadvantaged urbanites?"

Fear not, my city-dwelling subjects. A similar program will provide opportunities for unemployed townies. In no time at all, millions of Americans will be establishing jobs and homes in beautiful, tropical Myanmar.

It's true, my people, that the LibertyBob Stimulus Package will provide a place for many while making the world a better place. Things will be so good after these two activities that no other country will need our help; you can just ask them.

So, if you want to do your patriotic duty, experience a little adventure in your life, and possibly get away with things you can't get away with while living within the borders, sign up today. It's good for America when you go somewhere else.

Comments (3)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
"Blue Squad, what's your status?"
"Lonely and needing a hug, sir."