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African Animals

2005-08-22

Category: politics

I was dropping off a bill visiting the LibertyBob Psychic Department (or Mindiacs, as they like to be called) and caught them goofing off. One of them was reading aloud from the newspaper. The story was about how some scientists want to transplant endangered African animals to preserves in the American west. When he (?) finished reading they all went limp for a moment

When the moment passed, all of them cracked up in raucous laughter. Two actually rolled off their bean-bag chairs.

Asking what was so funny gained a chorus of, ?Nothing.? A little begging, threatening, and a promise to count a good answer toward their bill got a better response. (I also had to promise to address them as ?Mindiacs? instead of ?frauds?.)

The tallest Mindiac wheeled a little cart with a typewriter over to another Mindiac who immediately began typing. They gave me what was typed and told me they had some meditating to do (at which point several of them giggled). This is what was there.


Dateline: Washington, D.C. April 21, 2026

Congressional hearings continued today on the African Animal Conspiracy, now being referred to as ?Eatem Gate?. New testimony bolsters allegations that the entire thing was a liberal plot to rid southern states of conservative voters.

Noted zoologist Harvey Frank told Congress, ?They had to know that the northern states get too cold in the winter. Where would the lions go but to the southern states? They had to know that they were endangering the lives of the people there.?

Representative Wilson of Arkansas told of the reduction of population of his state. His testimony was cut short when an unnamed journalist called out, ?Here kitty, kitty, kitty,? causing Wilson to run and hide.

Some are suggesting that tigers, lions, and other large predators be removed from the endangered species list. Said one Democrat Senator, ?I empathize with the plight of the southern people. We should allow the hunting of large predators, uhm, eventually.?

Meanwhile, there is no end in sight for the people of the southern states as, even today, a small school outside Mobile was eaten.


Normally at this point, I would be really ticked off with the Mindiacs for giving me crap. Unfortunately, I can actually imagine this all taking place in Congress.


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