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Post Caucus

2004-01-20

Category: politics

The Iowa caucuses are finally over. Dean got stomped with only 18% of the vote. Gephardt got even more stomped with 10.5% of the vote. He's dropping out. Clark, who wasn't even trying in Iowa, came in sixth. Kucinich got 1.3% because he's goofy looking and people wanted to keep him around for entertainment purposes.

That leaves the winners of the caucus. Number two turned out to be John Edwards at 31.8% of the Democrat vote. The numero uno guy was John Kerry with 37.6%. My theory is that Democrats like guys named John. It has to do with their ancient hero, John Kennedy. They like the idea of having another John as they await the second coming of Kennedy.

As an Iowan, non-Democrat, I am glad the caucuses are over. The politicos have been really annoying. The commercials are long since old and tiring. I've made all my jokes about how Dean looks like the same people who made Burt from Sesame Street made him. I've pointed and laughed at Edwards' political philosophies. On the other hand, there is a lot of good that comes from having the caucuses here.

Good? What good could possibly come from having all those mouth-breathers running amok across the Wide Plain?

Heh, heh, heh, that's the secret. See, when they come for the caucuses they also spend money. They buy local advertising. They stay at local hotels. They eat at local restaurants. All those fliers they have to print up? Those get printed at local print shops. All of that is money coming into the Iowa economy.

Gephardt is broke because he spent his entire "war chest". Guess what, most of that got spent here in Iowa. He can't campaign anymore and has to return to Missouri with his tail between his legs and we got all his money. Hear that, Gephardt? We got your money, ha!

So, let's see a good, spend-heavy, drag-out election battle. I ask all Iowans to claim to be undecided, regardless of your real thinking. We want to be one of those undecided states where they have to dump money. We want both sides to campaign here in Iowa as heavily as they can so we can spend that cash on our stuff. We want all that political money.

We also need to tax political candidates from other states more heavily, but that's another thing.


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