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Ricin

2004-02-03

Category: politics

This morning the United States Senate offices were closed due to the arrival of a letter containing the poison Ricin. This was obviously the act of a moron.

Ricin is a poison made from a type of bean and is extremely toxic with no known antidote. It can be administered through inhalation (breathing), ingestion (eating), or through skin contact. This means that a person handling the stuff is in extreme danger. If anything goes wrong, that person is dead. How soon would they know it? Symptoms could show up in three to five days. Hopefully they checked its bouquet before giving it a taste test.

As though that isn’t stupid enough, there is the matter of their target. They are trying to hit the Senate. What good will that do them. In all likelihood, the moron has a specific beef with the federal government. The attack is probably meant to threaten the senators. That’s like threatening killer bees by violently shaking their hive.

When Congress gets threatened, they pass reactionary laws that allow the executive branch to run around wild. That’s not how they are supposed to work together. The legislative branch is supposed to hold the reins in on the executive side of things. The gist of this, Mr. Ricin, is that sending poison is likely to make the government do even more of whatever it is that you didn’t like.

If I were the paranoid type, I would suggest that the poison was sent by someone who likes what the government is doing and would like to see more of it. Maybe it could be someone who wants something more aggressive than the Patriot Act.

Also paranoid would be the idea that someone would do this as part of the election year goings on. If they can show that we are not secure, does that suggest that the current administration isn’t up to the job or does it suggest that they need to do more? Either way, it’s a pretty stupid way to make a point. Note that I’m not suggesting that a candidate or their camp would do this, but it could be done by an unauthorized supporter acting on his or her own.

Of course we can’t dismiss the possibility of some mouth-breather doing this sort of thing just to get off. I’ve met a few losers in my day and many of them would think it was really cool to send poison through the mail. Fortunately they were mostly too stupid or lazy to do that sort of thing. I try to hang out with a better class of loser these days.

My instincts say we should look to Chicago for a culprit just because, as an Iowan, I’m convinced that Chicago is a terrorist state.

Anyway, to try to set things strait, I’ve got my psychic ready to channel the dumb-ass that did this so I can interview him or her. Here we go:

LB: So, dumb-ass, why are you sending poison to the Senate offices?

(My psychic sits there slumped over.)

LB: Uh, dumb-ass? Can you hear me?

(My psychic continues to slump)

LB: (slapping the psychic a couple of times) Yo, dumb-ass! Are you there.

At that point my psychic stopping me from slapping him and informed me that there is not enough intelligence in the dumb-ass to be channeled noting that the dumb-ass may be really stupid or possibly dead. I suggested trying again later and my psychic muttered something about slapping. Anyway, sending poison through the mail is stupid. Persons doing that sort of thing are also stupid (and/or dead). I really don’t want people attacking Senators because I may get elected someday and I don’t want that precedent.


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