Chicagoan Registration Act
Another Chicagoan perpetrated another violent crime in Cedar Rapids (Cedar Rapids Gazette, page 4B, Friday February 9, 2008). The Chicagoan robbed a fifty-seven year old man at gun point. Police say there is an outstanding warrant for the Chicagoan in Wisconsin.
This is just the latest example of the people of Chicago and its suburbs committing violent crime in Iowa by. Whether random violence, sex crimes, or drug trafficking, the visitors from Chicago are strongly involved. Naturally, this does not apply to all Chicagoans, but it is enough to warrant action.
That is why I propose the Chicagoan Registration Act. This law requires all persons from Chicago and its suburbs to register all planned trips to Iowa and get a Registration Card. They must keep the card with them at all times while in Iowa.
This helps through enforcement and the discouragement of unnecessary travel. You see, Chicagoans with legitimate business in Iowa will have no problem getting a Registration Card and doing their business; it is no different from traveling to another country. Chicagoans without legitimate business here commit most of the crime.
Chicagoan troublemakers come here for two main reasons. First, they come to take advantage of Iowa's lax assistive housing programs. After spending a year in the Iowan program, the people move back to Chicago where they are fast-tracked into the Chicagoan program which otherwise has a long waiting list. This is not a legitimate reason to move to Iowa.
The second reason for the violent types is drug trafficking. The Chicago criminal organizations send their less competent members to the "farm leagues" to work in less stressful environments and build skill. These criminal morons come here and do stupid and violent things. We all prefer that these people stay in Chicago.
If these people get a Registration Card fraudulently, they will spend ten years hard labor at a power generating station. That sentence is in addition to any other criminal penalties they earn on their visit. When finished with their sentence, we will deport them to whatever is left of Chicago at the time.
Visiting Iowa without a Registration Card is also bad. The Chicagoan's assets in Iowa will be seized and the Chicagoan will be deported back to Illinois (by bus or, my preference, by catapult on the banks of the Mississippi River.) It is imperative that they be registered and kept from perpetrating their crimes against Iowans. To return to Iowa after being deported results in a sentence of no less than ten years hard labor at a power generating station.
I know that some people think I am over-reacting. It is the only way to prevent the spread of Chicagoan trouble-making. If you ask people from Wisconsin or Indiana, you will find they support similar measures in their own states. It is just a fact of life; the people of Chicago are a problem. (Besides, I was nice enough not to include the suggestion of one supporter that the Chicagoans be required to wear a yellow letter 'C' pinned to their clothes.)
So, write your legislators now in support of an equivalent act in your area. Even if you do not live in the United States, you do not want Chicagoan trouble makers coming to your home. Stop unregistered Chicagoans now.